When West Virginian Parents Come to the Big Apple

Back in April, my parents from West Virginia came to visit. They have come to NYC to visit me before. The first time was back in the ancient pre-covid world. They came in February 2020, so we spent the trip in freezing wind tunnels and sweltering subways. The main takeaway from that trip was that NYC had changed a lot since they had come in the 1980s. Still dirty, but much less death and mugging. I considered it a win.

Photo by Veronica Florez via Unsplash.cm

Flash forward two years to April 2022. A lot has changed since then. I had space to put them up for one thing, and they didn’t have to stay at some creepy AirBnB on the wrong side of town. I also have a cat, boyfriend, and roommate, so it was like one happy family in a tiny NYC Apartment. We made it work.

The first time they came, they took the train. My parents swore up and down that they wouldn’t drive in the city. So instead, they opted to ride with their daughter in her car, hanging on for dear life as I drove like a New Yorker, swearing, swerving.

When West Virginia meets the Big Apple

This time, I told them to drive. In preparation, I gave my parents directions to come in over the Verrazano Bridge. I warned them about the strange light pattern at Grand Army Plaza circle in Brooklyn and how it backed traffic up for miles. I assured them that getting through the circle was chaotic and just go with it. No one knows where any roads go, and we are all praying. My mom was a champ and flew through the circle, not panicking when the GPS decided to get confused and direct her deeper into Brooklyn. She did so well that I think she can handle the Holland Tunnel and Canal Street next.

The gods must have been on my parent’s side because they also got a parking spot right in front of my apartment. And since their trip was off-street cleaning days, we never had to move the car.

Unfortunately, someone didn’t like that the license plate was from WV because on the morning they left, I found half their mirror on the sidewalk! The car was fine the whole trip, except for the last night. And since there was a mailbox blocking the mirror, it meant someone had to get behind the box to break the mirror intentionally. This wasn’t some accidental bike sideswipe.

It was an easy fix, though—nothing a little super glue couldn’t take care of.

Image Source: www.iloveny.com/listing/grand-army-plaza/28533/

A NYC trip is never boring

They had a very typical NYC trip. We went to the Met Cloisters up by Fort Tryon Park on day one. Of course, the trains were running slower than usual. I live off the express 4, and it was a Monday. You’d think they would run express. Well, surprise, surprise, the train was held twice for 15 minutes each on our four-stop trip before transferring. Anyone who has been to the Cloisters knows how long it takes to get there. Totally worth it, though. The Cloisters have the super famous unicorn tapestries and a bunch of other authentic walls and stuff from the medieval period.

Image Source: www.atlasobscura.com/places/unicorn-tapestries-at-the-cloisters

Of course, we had to spend time in Central Park. My parents practically live in a park themselves. Nothing compares to a massive park in the middle of the city, though. We ended up climbing on the big rocks and spilling coffee all over ourselves.

The highlight of the trip was going to see Lion King. Neither of them had been to a show on Broadway, so I figured “go big or go home.” Needless to say, they loved it. I’ve seen it before, but I can’t get enough of the puppet mastery! A sweepstakes was on the back of the playbill to win free tickets to a Broadway show of choice, which they filled out. Honestly, the best part of the trip was listening to my parent’s observations. Several of them are very valid.

Where does a person acquire dirt? 

It really bothered my dad that there was no dirt. He kept asking me, “Where do you get dirt?” My parents are from a large plot of land and have a garden and unlimited access to free dirt. The only accessible soil in NYC is in those little plots of land trees that are planted in or parks, both of which are not to be messed with. It’s a valid question. Besides buying that cheap Miracle Grow stuff for inflated prices at Home Depot, where does one acquire dirt?

Dad thought I should start a dirt business, fill the back of a pick-up truck and drive around selling it like a mob boss or something. If the recession hits, I might have to give that one a go. I bet I could make a chunk of change selling off-market dirt to wanna-be farmer Brooklynites.

Where does a person acquire a ladder?

Another very valid question my father had was where does one get or keep a latter? He has a shed. Several sheds, A tool shed, a garden shed, and a woodshed. You get the picture. You have a painting ladder, an extension ladder, and maybe another kind, just in case. All of which you keep in one of the sheds or garage. In NYC, our landlords have a ladder. But I’ve never thought about one until you need one. Do you rent it? Do you ask your landlord, who never returns your calls or emails? Do you buy one from the hardware store and store it in the bathroom next to the snow shovel and umbrellas, both of which you only used once?

Dad also suggested I start a rent a ladder company. Maybe in combination with the dirt truck, I could have a task rabbit business, climbing up a ladder for people.

Photo by Anaya Katlego via unsplash.com

Who would pay this much for a bag? 

Take your parents into Bergdorf Goodman or an equivalent level store if you want to have a good time. First, we stopped in the Plaza, searching for a bathroom and just to get a peak or the opulent beauty inside. Then in Bergdorf Goodman I made my parents look at the prices on the handbags just to see their expressions. It was priceless. As far as my dad is concerned, the stuff on the street that people put out is a better deal. Guess what? He wants me to start a business. He refinished old furniture back in WV. I should bring it up here and sell it on the street.

I think I should consider switching careers from writer to, “I Need This But Have No Space Supplier.”

Photo by Chrissie Kremer via unsplash.com

As for my mom, she rocked the weekend. She figured out the trains and the Omny system (something many New Yorkers haven’t grasped yet) in a matter of a few rides. At the Cloisters, she could name all the herbs and their uses, like some medicine woman of the past, and remember that Playbill sweepstakes? She won tickets to Hamilton. So now she and my dad are coming back in a few weeks to see it.

The best part of the trip was showing them around the city that I have come to love. I got to see it again through their eyes for the first time.

P.S. – I’ve since been informed that when they got home, there was a speeding ticket waiting for them.