"NYC’s Hottest Spots for People Who Can’t Stand Their Spouse and Kids"

The Burned Bagel
Written By Stephanie A.

NEW YORK, NY – Finding love in the city is hard. But do you know what’s harder? Staying in love. Every day, New Yorkers flood Reddit threads, Instagram DMs, and group chats asking, "Where do I go to meet someone special?" But what about the real unsung demographic? The weary spouses. The overburdened parents. The people whose love stories have long since turned into horror films.

For those of you who have had it, we’ve got you covered. Here’s a curated list of NYC’s top escape zones for people who need a break from their ‘forever person’ and their tax-deductible dependents.

1. The ‘Accidentally Left My Phone at Work’ Happy Hour

📍 Any hotel bar near your office

Want to sip a $19 cocktail in peace while staring blankly at a wall? Hotel bars are the last frontier of the unbothered and unresponsive. Order an Old Fashioned, ignore your notifications, and bask in the sweet, sweet silence of people who don’t know (or care) that you once tried to make homemade baby food.

2. The ‘I Have to Run an Errand’ Extended Disappearance

📍 IKEA, Red Hook

Nobody questions a Target run, but a trip to IKEA? That buys you at least four hours of uninterrupted alone time. Wander through a maze of cheap furniture and broken dreams, grab some meatballs, and reflect on the choices that led you here. Maybe even take a nap in the showroom. Who’s stopping you?

3. The ‘I Need to Focus’ Fake Work Session

📍 Any co-working space you do not actually have a membership to

WeWork? The Wing? A library with suspiciously good WiFi? Tell your spouse you’re “on deadline” and then proceed to do absolutely nothing for hours. The key is to bring a laptop and occasionally sigh loudly so people think you’re under a lot of stress.

4. The ‘Taking Up a Totally Unnecessary Hobby’ Escape Plan

📍 That pottery class you don’t actually care about

Congratulations, you’re an artist now. Tell your spouse you’ve discovered a deep passion for ceramics (they’ll be too exhausted to question it). Spend three hours pretending to mold something meaningful while the instructor politely ignores your existential crisis.

5. The ‘I’m Just Going to Step Outside for a Minute’ Getaway

📍 Literally any bodega

Bodegas: the universal safe space for New Yorkers who need a breather. You don’t actually need anything. You just need to stand in front of the fridge doors, pretending to make a crucial Snapple selection while recalibrating your life choices. If you stay long enough, you may even see a fight. Entertainment and therapy.

6. The ‘I’m Training for the Marathon’ Long Walk

📍 Central Park, any direction away from your home

No one questions a runner. Are you training? No. Are you even in running shoes? Also no. But throw on some athleisure and tell your spouse “I just need to clear my head” before power-walking to the other side of the city, debating whether you should start a new life in a studio apartment above a falafel shop.

7. The ‘I Think I Need Therapy’ Excuse

📍 A therapist’s waiting room (even if you don’t have an appointment)

Therapists’ offices are warm, cozy, and—most importantly—quiet. Arrive early, sit in the waiting area, and absorb the serenity. Maybe even read an outdated magazine in peace. Nobody will question you, because everyone here is already questioning everything.

So, next time someone asks, "Where’s the best place to meet someone special in NYC?" kindly inform them that some of us are just looking for somewhere to hide.

You’re welcome.

The Burned Bagel – Serving up dark, toasty takes on city life since… whenever we got tired of smiling through it.

Stephanie A.

Stephanie once found herself very nearly kicked out of the Morgan Museum and Library for weeping incessantly over a lock of Mary Shelley’s hair on display. Apparently the other patrons found that disturbing. Beyond that though, Stephanie is a freelance writer, novelist and owner of the Wandering Why Traveler brand. She lives in the ‘Little Odessa’ part of Brooklyn where’s she’s been studying Russian for nearly a decade yet hasn’t learned jack-shit about the language, somehow. It’s probably because she’s always consumed in art history seminars, museum visits, and indie bookstores. She’s a voracious reader, a prolific writer, and enjoys both the glitter and grit of New York City. An ‘old soul’ is how she describes herself because of her love of classics, actors like Marlon Brando, and penchant for Van Morrison, Motown, and early bedtimes.  

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