Like many other people I know, I had the COVID over Christmas. I spent the days leading up to my favorite holiday running around trying to find out if I actually was one of the numbers of people that had the new Omicron, Auto-bot variant.

I went through the stages of denial; shit, I-gotta-google-all-this-shit-now… oh wow I need a nap… is work gonna think I’m faking just to stay home, and I guess I should try to get tested.

Problem was, finding a test was like getting Hamilton tickets in 2015.

I got up early as fuck as to head over the City MD on 125th to get the test. 

Fell back asleep, because, COVID.

Still made it over there by, I don’t know, 9:30? And they were already booked for the day. They told me about a place a couple blocks down that was testing. It was a pop-up in a store front. I confirmed with the person who was first in line that there was no sign-in procedure involved and went to the back of the line. 

The guy in front of me was smoking. 

I found what humor I could in that and turned my attention to the woman in back of me who brought a folding chair and was talking super-loud on speaker phone. Why not just talk on the phone in a normal tone so you don’t have to yell? You know who you are.

Forty-five minutes later the same woman was still first in line. 

One night during COVID-mas, I took Alka-Seltzer flu medicine, but it was the day-time formula I guess which has caffeine. One in the morning, and I am laying in bed wide awake for the first time all day, and I wrote this song…

Sung to the tune Twelve Days of Christmas (duh)

“On the first day of COVID I had a sore throat, so I stayed home just to be safe.

On the second day of COVID I called in called in sick to work and …”

This is gonna take forever let’s do it backward.

On the 12th day of COVID, finally got a positive, even though I had no more symptoms.

11 – Zoom meet with doctor

10 – So fucking bored

9 – Played Call of Duty

8 – No test results yet

7 – Cancelled my booster

6  – Was gonna get a booster

5… Probably… shouldn’t…  drink . . . 

4 – Ate Chinese on Christmas

3 – Stood in line for COVID test

2 – Called in sick to work

1 – Had a sore throat so I stayed home just to be safe

Happy New Year, everybody!