I know two things about beer:

1. I like it a lot.

2. I can drink a bunch.

And that’s, for the most part, it.

I don’t have the deep knowledge of a learned cicerone, nor the hands-on experience of a brewer, nor the desire to be either of those things. I just love putting that liquid inside my body. Is that enough to qualify me as an official craft beer reviewer? Here’s the great thing about doing something that nobody asked you to do: you don’t need qualifications. 

With that said, here is the first of many (see: until I lose interest) Local Craft Beer Review. These are beers crafted in and around the general vicinity of NYC. But even those loose parameters – like many major decisions in my life, sadly – are arbitrary.

First up:

“Wrench” Northeast India Pale Ale; Industrial Arts Brewing; Garnerville, NY

7.1% alc/vol ; 16 oz. can retail

Now, I assume this isn’t meant to be a pale ale from Northeast India, especially since Industrial Arts Brewing is located in Rockland County and not Uttar Pradesh. Thus, it’s an Indian Pale Ale. In a Northeastern U.S. style. Which I’m sure you already knew or deduced and that’s super awesome for you, at least one of us isn’t hungover. 

The Look

I like the can. I think. It’s sleek, evoking blueprints, machinery and robotics. As if it’s some cog-based fermented beverage for automatons. Which makes me wonder… what would a shitfaced robot actually be like? Would they be a crier? If a robot becomes inebriated, would it prompt, as it tends to do, self-examination? And if so, where would this lead? An existential crisis? A level of self-awareness that causes it to crash? Or maybe it just feels like playing darts? These questions are too deep for me.

Thankfully this is beer for humans and not for our future A. I. overlords. But this seems to be a bit of a leitmotif for Industrial Arts’ beer. Hence the very name of the company. Bully for them, sticking to a STEM theme. According to their website, “brewing is the rare art that is grounded in science.” True. Unless you count architecture, music, film, printmaking, and all art. But yeah, totally.

The Taste

Now, I’m not really one for citrus in my beer. An example of two great things I prefer separated. It’s like, I love Game of Thrones and I love Great British Bake-off. But give me a show that’s Game of Thrones meets Great British Bake-off and I’m going to hate it.

Actually, wait a minute.

Wait, a god-stinkin’ minute here…

I would love that show.

Wow. Reverse persuaded by my own poor analogy.

Anyway, this leads me directly to my next point about hazy IPAs (it didn’t, did it?). I feel like hazy IPAs are the hot thing in beer right now. The “sexy” thing. The “Letitia James” of current craft brew. (What? Power is sexy.)

So, of course, because hazy IPAs are popular, I kind of hate them automatically. Because I’m a miserable bastard like that. Which isn’t fair to either this beer or those close to me in life. Also, a lot of hazies I’ve tried – with their thick, unappetizing lack of translucence – make me feel like I’m drinking, how can I put this, mountain troll backwash.

However, Wrench does a good job of converting me to the hazy side of things. Its tang isn’t overpowering, and it makes for a smooth, untroubled drinking experience, even with the requisite impenetrable nebula. Which is really want you want in a beer, no? Not the nebula part, but the smooth and untroubled part. In that sense, a good beer is kind of like a good referee. If you don’t notice it, that means it’s doing its job.

And you might be thinking 7.1.% alcohol would slow down the consumption of this pint.

Fools! The lot of you!

I polished off this baby like it was a summer camp juice box. Which is both a credit to the ale and a condemnation of my drinking habits. But for the sake of this article, let’s focus on the former. This is just a tasty beer.

The Verdict

If you’re a hazy IPAer, this is a solid choice. If you’re not, you’re going to enjoy it anyway. And you’ll get a good head on ya, to boot. I’d say it goes well with a meaty fish, like tuna, and drinks best during the month of May, for some reason. But don’t wait till May to drink it. The robots might have taken over by then.

OFFICIAL GIMMICKY ‘TAWK OF NEW TAWK’ FINAL GRADE:

7.5 coasters (out of 10)