Local Craft Beer Review: Now Youse Can’t Leave Double IPA, Bronx Brewery

Every so often, you come across an ale that just does it for you. It slots into you like a Connect-Four piece. You know immediately, upon first sight, you’re going to love this beer. There’s an instant chemistry. A meet-cute of sorts.

Then you take it home, have a seat in your poor excuse for a backyard, crack the fella open, and watch as time moves past you like an adagio music scale.

This is one of those beers.

“Now Youse Can’t Leave” Double IPA; Bronx Brewery; Bronx, NY

10.1% alc/vol ; 16 oz. can retail

Bronx Brewery claims that “once you bust (this beer) open, there’s no walking away.” Um, yeah, it’s beer. You stay near and loyal to beer. If you catch me walking away from a beer it’s because a loved one needs dire help. Or someone is offering me an even bigger beer.

This double IPA has a grain bill that includes Muntons Maris Otter, Briess Pilsen, Briess White Wheat, Briess Oat Flakes, and Dextrose. Now, if any of you have any idea what this means, please message me and explain. Briess Pilsen sounds like a Danish character actor. And I think I bought a box of those oat flakes once when I was irregular.

Regardless of all that, when it comes to brewers, Bronx Brewery is an old reliable. The Nelson Cruz of craft beer. Never a disappointment, always a solid get. Whether you’re scanning the broken bodega fridge or the chalkboard looming over the barkeep, Bronx Brewery is a name you stop and go, “yeah, just give me that.” Has to do with their ethos and it has to do with their artisanship.

In short: I’ll keep drinkin’ ’em. Just like I did this one.

The Look

Wait, where’s Chazz Palminteri? Is he copyrighted?

Even though there’s no sign of the obvious reference point for the name of the beer – the eternally watchable 90’s film ‘A Bronx Tale’ – the can still offers up a fun wraparound scene. Two women, lascivious and buxom, one looking back at you. The setting is either a pub, an old diner, or a CIA mental torture room.

The logo in the artwork shimmers like a gold chain around Big Daddy Kane. Who needs Calogero or grumpy, bus-drivin’ Robert De Niro. This does just fine, thank you.

Although I must say, if they illustrated a still of the actual scene in ‘A Bronx Tale,’ I’d be all for that. For those who haven’t seen the movie, a quick explanation: a mean-looking motorcycle gang roars its way through the 1960’s Bronx and decides to stop for a cold beer or two. They come upon a modest watering hole in the Belmont neighborhood – still home to the last real Little Italy in New York –  and walk in. This particular public house is owned and operated by local men of Italian descent. At first, the Italian-Americans are leery of these long-haired, leather-vested out-of-towners. But like good purveyors, they service their thirsty customers.

Until said customers turn and spray the innocent, hard-working bartender with shaken-up beers!

A line is crossed. One of the Italians closes the front door and turns the lock.

Cue Chazz Palminteri’s character, Sonny, the mob boss who earlier gave his okay for the bikers to be served:

“Now youse can’t leave.”

Cue royal beatdown.

Heheh. Great part. The bikers are all like, “Oh, shit, we shouldn’t have messed with the mafia,” like all in their faces. Classic.

Damn, hold on, we we’re still supposed to be talking about beer, right?

The Taste

This is just a beauty. How is this 10% alcohol? 10% should taste like goblin soil. But I think what helps – and I can’t believe I’m saying this – is the fruit hop infused in the beer. Normally those words “fruit hop” would send me running to the nearest Guinness and something bacon-flavored.

But here it really balances out the bitter, offering a neutralizing  experience that’s somehow the best of both worlds. Even the color of the ale, which almost has the cloudiness of a hazy IPA, is inviting when poured into a pint. And this is coming from someone whose preferred beer spectrum runs from amber to black. And darker. Give me the Anish Kapoor stout, please and thank you.

But the great thing is, it’s not a hazy IPA. It’s not anything else but a double IPA, with that sharp double IPA finish that makes you do a jaw stretch and reminds you the night is young and you have a lot of ‘Grantchester’ to catch up on.

The Verdict

A four pack of ‘Now Youse Can’t Leave’ is a ticket to good vibes, delightful forgetfulness, and signing up to a illustration class you’ll never actually attend. In other words, a cerebral adventure.

It’s deceptively smooth taste might surprise those who normally prefer their beer with a sensible alcohol volume, which may then lead to them being slouched over in a lawn chair like they were at a bourbonfest. So, you know, look out for that, you certain people.

But otherwise, get yourself a good red meat dinner, or if you’re a vegetarian or vegan, a beefy mushroom, pull out your truest pint glass and pour yourself a few of these. It might actually make life seem worth it.

OFFICIAL GIMMICKY ‘TAWK OF NEW YAWK’ FINAL GRADE:

8.6 drunk late-night quesadillas (out of 10)