This past weekend I surprised my son by taking him to Harry Potter and the Cursed Child on Broadway for his birthday. And he surprised me by having a Spiderman costume on under his clothes because kids fuck with you like that.

I had brought his Gryffindor scarf and his HP robe, unsure as to what level he was going to want to geek out.

He went with just the scarf.

We had all of our vaccination documentation at the ready, a full hour before curtain. The first barrier of protection we went through was the vax checker dude who gave us quite a scare. He said my son would need a test on the spot because it had been too long since his first shot.

I had read and re-read the info online, but I started to panic.

Then the guy goes, “Oh, it’s a new month, I forgot the date. Never mind, you’re good.”

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fucking-A.

Over the years, I have developed a kind of ticket anxiety – the kind of thing that drives some people to leave for the airport earlier and earlier. Did I save the ticket to my apple wallet thing? I have the PDF of the ticket scanny thing open on my email. Will it stay open if I close the app? … what if I lost the email? What if my phone dies? Do I need a wifi password?  I am prepared to do whatever it takes to prove that I am a paying, vaccinated audience member who doesn’t want any trouble.

N95 is the masks

PCR is the tests

QR code is that square thing that my phone turns into the draft beer list

I began to feel like I was personally starring in Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Anxiety.

My son dressing as Spidey was nagging at me because I realized that this was the theatre that I saw Spiderman: Turn off the Dark back in the day.

If you never heard of it, or forgot, um… yeah dude, they made a musical out of Spiderman and it was a lightening rod for bad luck, bad press and really really bad music by two legends of popular music – The Edge and Bono.

The show went way over budget, producers fired the director, they fired each other – the opening was delayed for so long that the press started sneaking in and reviewing the previews – and the reviews were cringe worthy. And let’s not forget stunt guys falling and breaking bones — one guy very seriously.

I am here to tell you … it was worse than I even imagined it would be and I consider having seen it at all to be one of my great New York bragging rights.

Since the Lyric theatre got ‘glammed up’ with the rest of the block, it has changed hands a few times (The Ford Theatre for the world premiere of Ragtime, The Hilton theatre for Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, the Foxwoods Theatre for Spiderman.) Since the Harry Potter renovation, the Lyric got its name back. The entire interior has been seemingly dipped in Harry Potter kitsch with QR codes and instructions to do things like point your phone at the beautiful ceiling in order to see some more magic. 

Is there swag?

Oh, there’s swag for days…

The play has a brilliant plot that involves Harry and Malfoys’ kids travelling back in time to when the books took place and causing all kinds of mischief.

Unfortunately, Hagrid – my favorite character – was not in the performance. 

Come to think of it, Hagrid is kind of the single dad of Hogwarts. He lives in a shitty little cottage close enough to the castle. He sees the kids on the weekends. Forgets stuff all the time and has lots of pets because he’s lonely. But when the kids are in real trouble they know where to go.

In London and here on Broadway the play was originally two parts – you had to see how it ends on a second night. You had to go twice! The nerve of some people… Since reopening post-COVID, the show has been condensed into one evening that is still a satisfying three and a half hours long. I couldn’t imagine there being even more. 

Cool special effects included fire shooting out of wands, actors emerging out of pools of water, disappearing into clouds of smoke, and floating off this way and that.

It feels like a musical without songs at some points, because of the size of the ensemble and some dance-like montages.

We had a great time.

Check out how close our seats were!

Other Broadway news right now is a tentative pause and a little bit of a downer.

Several shows have closed temporarily. Many of them can’t keep up with the cost of daily COVID tests plus the cost of closing for a week, (which includes refunding tickets) then reopening and so on. As has been well publicized, producers have also been contending with the logistics of having enough understudies and swings to fill all the roles when cast members tests positive.

Mrs. Doubtfire was one of the first to announce that us will reopen in March.

Girl from the North Country (currently at the Belasco,) will play its final performance on January twenty third. There are rumors that the producers are looking for a smaller possibly Off Broadway venue for the show.

Hours later, To Kill a Mockingbird announced that it will have its last performance this weekend and will reopen at the Belasco on June first.

Smart money is on the long-awaited revival of Funny Girl opening at the Shubert.

Look for the reopening of the Neil Simon Plaza Suite starring Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick on February 25. Daniel Craig and Ruth Negga are bringing Macbeth to Broadway at the end of March, and if you haven’t checked out the streamlined black and white film version of Macbeth with Denzel Washington, you probably should.)

More good news is that BROADWAY WEEK STARTS THIS WEEK! (It’s actually more like a month cuz it ends February thirteenth,) but now is the time to get two for one tickets to participating shows and support this great industry and decidedly American craft – this-only-in-New York tradition; Broadway.