There is a top-secret government safe house

on the next block

and no one seems to have noticed.

It also happens to be right at the bus stop that I now use on the days when my son and I don’t walk to school for whatever reason. 

We were standing there one morning, and I looked up and thought… something looks funny about that building. I studied it a little longer and decided that everything looks funny about that building. On a block of old brownstones or classic tenement-style walk ups with all their quirks, stands this brand new, super fake looking brick building. Just sitting there begging to be ignored.

My son pointed out that the doors are actually rectangle shaped and the arch shape is just cut out of the front of the building. Fake Tuscan. Indeed. There’s some kind of fake brick design on the door. Which makes no sense why would you pretend a door like that was made of brick? It would be wood, no? 

It looks like someone lowered a box that was hastily made to look like a building – over another building. Or the set of a “New York Street” that they build in Hollywood. 

All of the jazz, none of the funk.

Whoever made this fake building, sucks at making fake buildings.

My son then pointed out that the windows don’t match. He likes patterns. Kindergarten paying off, finally.

The fuck is going on here?

Top floor – three rectangles the two arches.

Second floor – two arches, two rectangles

Ground floor – three rectangles, arched door – off center, also weird – then two more rectangles. Why would someone do that? Maybe because they want different floors inside to look different? Say you have someone you are expecting to…  wake up in a certain room and you don’t want them to understand where they are. Or you’re making a video. A ransom video.

On different floors, the rooms have different shapes so they must have different uses…  

Other things savvy New Yorkers scope out at a glance; there are two security cameras – one on each side of the first-floor windows.

Fine, but rare for this block. The blinds are always drawn, and they are the temporary paper kind you buy when you’ve just moved in and you’re painting and so on. (Stop into your local Home Depot and ask a sales representative. They’re the guys in the orange aprons.)

The top floor has boxes hastily stacked in the windows instead of blinds. Oswald, anyone?

Another savvy New Yorker trick: If you wanna get an idea how many apartments there are in a building. You look…

At the doorbell.

Oh hello. Another camera and one tiny little button.

I guess only one person (or government black site) lives here. If I could afford that much real estate for a one-family in Manhattan I might also splurge for a more fashionable address than Morningside Park area. No disrespect. 

But…

If I wanted to hide in plain sight in a neighborhood where everyone minds their own business, and law enforcement knows their damn place, I might consider Manhattan Avenue just south of 125th.

There are several ropes vaguely reminiscent of that random rope on stage at the beginning of Hamilton, (which I’m pretty sure has nothing to do with anything,) but the ropes are holding down some kind of tarp. 

I crossed the street for a better view and that’s when I saw it… 

Yep, a tin structure is on the fucking roof. Not exactly a rooftop area for residents. Very military looking and note the extra security camera up there.

What are they monitoring on their own roof? I don’t know but if I was in charge of flying, let’s say, reconnaissance drones I might do it from my little aeronautical shack up there.

Maybe these are the guys with all the fireworks in the summer. 

There is no reason in the world for this building to even exist on this block. Also, hanging right on the brand-new, locked fence is what looks like a communication for Fed Ex. Guess that number is supposed to be “the address” because the building address is nowhere else on the building.

This is clearly a dead drop spot where agents leave each other messages. Analog style. Close inspection of the “sign” shows a pouch and what may even be a trip wire attached to it. Because that is some fancy looking twine – (who has twine!?) and that is a proper sailors knot if I ever saw one.

After taking all these pictures I wondered – how long have I been out there? Did one of their cameras get me? Was that someone in the window? I thought I heard a humming sound coming from the basement.

I decided to quickly move along. I will continue to monitor the situation.